Top Five: Anthony

Anthony is a ghost to me now. My heart aches when I think about him. We don't see each other anymore because sometimes, it's just better that way.

He was my best friend for the longest time. All our friends would tell me that he was in love with me and I loved him too- just not that way. One day, he finally came out and told me how he felt and I told him that I felt the same. I lied to Anthony. Suddenly we had graduated from friends to couple status. How could I let this happen?

I think the end was inevitable. I broke his heart when I finally told the truth and we had an honest conversation about our relationship and friendship that lasted three days cast over an ocean of tears. It all fell apart but six months later we reunited as friends. To me this was the best feeling ever, that now we were in a more honest place and we were better for it. At least that's what I thought.

We stayed strong for years, even while I fell in and out of love with different guys. He had dated a few girls along the way too but nothing was ever serious. It never occurred to me that he might still love me even though he was always there for me, until one day he wasn't. Anthony stopped seeing me and when I eventually saw him again he told me he'd fallen for someone. It was strange because in a way, it was like we were breaking up. This was painful and necessary. I'd lost my best friend but without me around, he found love.

Anthony reminds me of that poem from 'A Walk To Remember'- by Nicholas Sparks;

“Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Loves is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It dose not take offense and is not resentful. Love take no pleasure in others people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.”

  He's now married to the angel that rescued his heart.

Top Five: Talon

Talon: Nurse

Talon was like the Silver Surfer brought to life (not that I know my comic book characters well) but he surfed by day and saved lives by night. He was ultra sexy and smart. He also still believed in chivalry; opening doors, the whole nine yards. I found this exceptionally refreshing to say the least.

Everything thing was great but he was always light years away. We would always meet on his terms- Don't call me. I'll call you. It was that kind of deal. I wouldn't say that we ever graduated from dating to boyfriend/girlfriend status because we hardly saw each other and to be honest, as much I had fallen for his boyish charms, we were also totally incompatible.

I always felt like being with him was like trying to hold water in your hands. No matter how hard you try, you just get a grip on the slippery sucker. Turns out he had medically diagnosed A.D.D and I was just a regular girl who liked to stand still for a bit and enjoyed comfortable silence. I guess the moral of that story is, it wasn't me. It was him.

Top Five: Linken

Linken: Computer Programmer

Yes, people, I dated a nerd. Not just any nerd though. With a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, discipline of a soldier and athletic prowess that would put many men to shame, I guess he did have some traits the excluded him a little than your garden variety nerd. He was sweet, kind, adored me and he's also the kind of guy most girls pass up for the assholes out there.

This man was my first real love and everything was perfect for a whole year. That was until I found myself thinking, "Is this it? It can't be this easy." We women are always led to believe that love cannot be found on every street corner or Seven/Eleven but I felt that our relationship was just a taste of what love had to offer and that there might be someone more amazing.

Being with Linken taught me of love and set the bar for my future relationships but it also taught me of heartbreak. I ended things and consequently lost my boyfriend and best friend in one day. I believe it's called 'breaking-up' because we bind ourselves to each other and our lives and souls become so intertwined that it takes massive strength and force to tear ourselves apart. There are always casualties. It's also one of the only times I've seen a man cry but he's still a man in my eyes.

After all this time, we still smile when we see each other and I don't have a bad thing to say about him. I truly wish him all the best.

Are you a satellite or meteor?

Catcall- Satellites

Beautiful summer sounds. Sweet melody. Enjoy.

Love, Imogen xx

Top Five: Johnathan

Johnathan: Restaurant owner

Johnathan was all that I thought I wanted. He possessed qualities I found endearing and desirable. He had a stable career, intelligent, tall, great hair, etc. It's what every girl wants. Or so I thought.

We met many, many years ago and my first impression was that he was an arrogant jerk. We had mutual friends who all had favourable opinions of him and it turns out he had a favourable opinion of me. In fact he had a little 'crush', as he'd later tell me. He worked hard to get to know me and sway my previous feelings towards him and yes, I found his efforts endearing and fell for his charm. Suddenly, arrogance was confidence, bluntness was honesty, and ostentatious became generous. We dated for nearly two years. The chemistry was great and we never fought. But we also rarely saw each other and our relationship stalled just past the starting line.

I eventually ended our relationship shortly after he'd cancelled yet another date because he sent me a text message he was going to play video games with his brother. These a both men in their twenties. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. We hadn't seen each other in a month and any attempt to speak candidly about us was impossible.

He later went on to post some cutesy analogy on Facebook about a steak without sauce may not be what you ordered but if the steak is good, be happy. I paraphrased because I don't remember the exact quote. I knew exactly what he was talking about and while many people 'liked' his comment, I had a mixture of rage and relief wash over me. How dare he suggest that settling for anyone is ever okay (the part that made me angry). And then I felt relief to not be with someone who ever felt that way.

My opinion is that dating is an experimental time in everyones' lives. Much like buying new shoes, you have to try on different styles before you find the one you choose to invest in. Dating definitely provides a learning curve and for me, Johnathan taught me (among other things) that when it comes to your heart, you should never settle.

NEXT;; Top Five: Linken

High Fidelity and My Top Five

Scene: Monday morning; me; flat white coffee; and a platinum subscription to Foxtel.

Flicking through the myriad of subscription television channels in the morning is somewhat of a ritual for me, and I'm sure many other people. You'd think the problem with having so many channels is deciding what to watch with a boundless options available. You'd be wrong. It's always a struggle to find something relevant that will capture one's attention for more than five minutes and entertain me til I reach the bottom of my coffee cup and leave for work.

This particular morning, I stumbled across High Fidelity (movie starring John Cusack; 1999). It wasn't particularly entertaining but it held a certain fascination. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, it's about a thirty-something year old man who gets dumped by his girlfriend and begins to analyse his failures as a man. Also has this annoying habit of making 'top 5' lists and explaining his list, speaking directly to the viewer, starting with his Top 5 Break-ups. Catherine Zeta-Jones is a highlight.

Walking away from the television, I got to thinking about my Top Five. And like Cusack's character, I felt the need to analyze my past relationships. Here's my Top Five:

1. Johnathan
2. Linken
3. Talon
4. Anthony
5. Jasper

To be continued...